It's really hard to sell a book about sex

and why it shouldn't be!

I’ll admit, I still blush whenever I try to market our book.

Imagine how it felt letting my mom know that I had signed a contract to write a book about sex! (But I had to…it felt like that’d be an unfair surprise) I will say, though, that my perpetually proud, 30-plus-year single father did buy a copy to show his support. Thanks, dad.

When parents of my sons’ teammates found out that we were authors, they kindly asked what we’d written about. “…intimacy.” *insert bashful cheeky grin with indirect eye contact* “Oh!” *quickly change the subject*

Meanwhile, Renzo is thrilled for the chance to make people feel uncomfortable. Mainly because it really shouldn’t be that taboo. But also because he enjoys the shock and awe.

All of that is in-person interactions with people we know. So, we expected some awkwardness in being the ones with the names on the bottom of a book titled “Lovemaking”. What we didn’t expect was the shyness surrounding the project in marriage, evangelization, and catechetic circles.

Formal Feedback

One thing that our publisher, Ave Maria Press, is well known for is producing Catholic materials for parishes, diocese, religious, and laity to use as resources and tools for their mission: sharing the goodness and truth about the Faith. They’re well known in this space for providing quality content that is accessible for the “average” Catholic.

We’re grateful to our editor for believing that we fit this demographic of writers, the ones that can take the big stuff of morality, sacrament, and teaching and bring it to the common couple. That has always been our goal: to be ourselves and to love Jesus and His Church.

When Ave brought Lovemaking to a catechetics expo, hoping to promote and sell it to parishes with marriage ministry programs, there were two main comments:

1. That kind of conversation and formation should be happening at home within the family. It’s not for us to get involved in something so intimate.

2. I never had “the talk” with my kids and they turned out fine, so this kind of book isn’t necessary.

To address the former, given the way of the culture, the rate of divorce, the statistical unhappiness of marriage, and the vast amount of secular sources proclaiming positive sex practices, we beg to differ. There is nothing more intimate than our faith, not even sex. Our personal relationship with Jesus should get its roots in the formation and support given from our home parish. If the church is the place where we learn about love and sacrifice, suffering and redemption, sin and virtue and forgiveness, then it is absolutely appropriate that we learn how that all looks within the sacrament! Sex in marriage is not vulgar, dirty, or shameful. But it can feel that way if no one is willing to talk about it!

Then to comment on parental failure to discuss human sexuality with their children, we will first begin by acknowledging that this is not uncommon. It is absolutely uncomfortable for your child the first time they realize you did what?! to create them. And if they have siblings, you did that?! more than once?! But after that initial enlightenment comes curiosity, questions, and exploration. Puberty, attraction, and media will all influence your child’s perception of sex. If parents aren’t the primary source of this learning experience, then someone or something else will be!

If parents and the parishes aren’t going to be available to rightly order sexual morality and help couples apply that to their own personal marriages, the world will!

“The Sex Talk”

If you’re like us, friends, movies, and porn were your sex ed. Not your parents or your parish or your priest. And that left us really struggling with learning what healthy, holy, and happy sexual intimacy looked like. And we sure as heck didn’t know how to talk about it with one another very well.

Thankfully, we did have the faithful formation from youth group and retreat speakers who introduced us to the Theology of the Body and the virtue of chastity. That all made a lot of sense (while challenging to live out) while dating and during engagement. And the beauty of the sexual act in marriage sounded really powerful and romantic. “Two become one flesh”…sign me up!

But the how fell flat from the why. Where do I put my hands, how often should this be happening, why does she care if the dishes aren’t washed, how is he ready and willing so quickly, right now is not a good time to get pregnant, and all I want is a baby were all mixed in to the first few years of our marriage. Often unspoken, often argued, and often fumbled through. Isn’t this supposed to come naturally?!

Eventually, with the help of grace, reading, and practice, we began to have the hard conversations. AND we also learned that we’re not alone in our experience of a difficult time navigating sex within marriage. Who knew?!

You’re Not the Only Ones

And so we wrote about it. Because we are far from the only ones who are trying and sometimes failing at doing this whole sex thing right. And we’re not the only ones who don’t quite understand why its so challenging. And we’re not the only ones who don’t know where to turn to begin to figure it out.

We wanted to write this book so that YOU don’t feel so alone. Because, no matter where you are in your dating, engagement, or marriage journey, you could always use a pep talk to enter more deeply into conversation with the one you love about how you love.

Here’s what you can find in our book:

Gift Idea

Now that it is engagement and wedding season, we’d like to ask that you consider purchasing Lovemaking: How to talk about sex with your spouse for someone that you love who is preparing to enter or has newly entered into the sacrament.

While their eyes might widen or their cheeks may redden, this book can at least exist somewhere in their home for the time when they will realize that they need a little nudge.

Be willing to be that person who will push through the discomfort and give them the gift of fruitful conversation founded in the goodness and truth of Catholic sexual morality along with real stories and practical advice.

Special Request

If you have already read Lovemaking, please purchase another as a gift ;-) and/or leave us a review on Amazon so that it can be more readily available for couples as they start to search for guidance and support.